Longing...

As far as I can remember, I’ve seeking the beloved. As far as I can remember, I’ve been striving to enter into that flawless connection which romantics tend to entertain in their hearts. And no matter, how often, the heart is disappointed, let down, and the relationship, along with the passion that sustains it, turn out to be nothing more than threads of illusion leading to delusion, I continue to intentionally allow myself to fall into the same hopelessly hopeful patterns, as only a true die-hard romantic can.

What is it we’re looking for in others? What is it we’re seeking in our attempts at building deep connections with someone we think, believe is a quintessential element in the making of our happiness? Don’t we know that all we’re seeking is already ours? Questions coming at me, by the shovel-full. Questions swirling about in my mind, like a soup of questionable quality, and not so kosher ingredients.

Questions go round and round, like a finely tuned and oiled Freudian-cum-Jungian Ferris wheel, reminding me of some metaphor, or other curved parable of deep, hidden, and therefore priceless wisdom my wise-cracker of a teacher of far-fetched spiritual matters, once told me about, while building a strange sand castle on some deserted beach, situated who knows where.

“Life is Maya, illusion playfully deceptive,” says the teacher, smirking at my foolishness.

I shrug off the comment, “Life is a journey; I wrote it on my business card, and so it must be true.”

Dismissive laughter; the teacher, illuminated, immune to my ways, wipes of a teary eye, “You’ll never learn, will you?”

A wave breaks and foam flattens the castle. The teacher waves a finger at the ocean, continuing for my benefit, “What you desire is a bit like your shadow, no matter how far you try to run after it, it will continue to run ahead of you, refusing to heed to your blindness. Sooner or later, you need to come to your senses and see that your shadow is totally yours, it is with you always, and if it could speak it would say, ‘Hey, you! Stop running, I am here already. There is nothing to grasp, nothing to gain.’”

“Listen! There is no happiness, no love, no peace, but that which is within. The trick is to realize that it is all already yours; you cannot own it, more than you already do. So you can keep on chasing after whatever it is you think you really can’t live without, whatever you believe you’re missing, or you can let go, and truly realize that you don’t need anything. You are complete. No one, nothing, can add to your happiness. You are what you’re looking for, you thick headed-dunce!”
Hearing these last words, I grin with pride, for this is how my venerated teacher addresses me when satisfied with my progress.

Another wave breaks behind me, I turn around and run into the water to meet it.

Be joyfully well.